Survive the Holidays!
Once again the holiday season is fast approaching and for many of us Christmas, Hanukkah and New Year is a time of additional, and sometimes extreme, stress and worries. We can find our lives turned completely upside down at this time of year and it can quickly become overwhelming.
While time off work / college / school may appear a pleasure to many, for some of us it means a change to our daily routines, too much time on our hands and loss of social contact with friends and colleagues.
For parents and couples it can mean too little time as we endeavour to get everything done and keep everybody happy.
Often we find ourselves in someone else’s home, possibly sleeping on a camp bed or on the floor, with no personal space or privacy. Or we find our own homes invaded by people we barely know; we have to give up our bed for Great Auntie Gladys and queue for half an hour to spend two minutes in the bathroom. We are forced to socialise with family members we have no contact with throughout the year and are expected to take it all in good humour when Uncle Brian asks us for the third time why we haven’t got a girlfriend / boyfriend yet.
Spending hours and days trapped indoors, vegging in front of endless television can leave us feeling lethargic and depressed. Similarly, being forced to attend parties and play games can make us anxious and stressed.
Some of us may be spending the holidays alone, and days loom dark and long while everyone else seems busy enjoying themselves.
Maybe someone close to us has died or left during the year, and this will be our first Christmas without them. Or the holidays could bring with them an anniversary that makes us sad, or a triggering reminder of another time.
The £motional cost
The financial pressures can be severe and all too often we find ourselves maxing out on credit cards and overdrafts just to keep up. The eventual arrival of January’s bills is a constant nagging worry in the back of our minds. Even the gifts themselves are a strain, as we worry what to buy each person and stress over whether they will like our gifts. The
pressure from children who expect the latest expensive ‘must have’ items can leave us either struggling to finance them or feeling guilty because we have to say no.
Food can be a cause of enormous anxiety for people with all kinds of eating disorders or special dietary requirements. Well meaning relatives / friends remind you that you have to eat as it’s Christmas, or that you really shouldn’t have that extra mince pie if you want to fit into your New Year’s dress. Even if you don’t have an eating disorder, all the extra rich food can leave you feeling sick, bloated and depressed.
Alcohol, especially excessive alcohol, can lead to depression and can trigger self-injury in some of us. Even a hangover can drag you down and ruin your day. Alcohol also affects the effectiveness of many medications.
However, the holidays don’t have to be a nightmare. With some careful consideration and a possible change to the way you do things/react to things you can ensure that you not only survive, but you may even end up enjoying yourself!
Get creative. Make your own cards for close family and friends, maybe even make some presents – your loved ones should appreciate the time and effort, and you will probably save some money.
Recycle unused ribbons, tags and paper and use them to create tree decorations, place mats, table setting etc. Make a collage, get outside and take some scenic pictures, upload them to Flikr or make a collage with them in your favourite image editing software. If you have children, get them involved and let them help. Even young children can make cards and decorations, and it will keep them occupied.
If you really can’t face writing 100 cards, consider sending either bought or hand-made cards to close family and friends only. For acquaintances and colleagues emails or e-greetings cards would be suitable. You may wish to state that instead of posting real cards you are giving money to charity instead, and then give the money you have saved to the homeless, sick children or the charity of your choice. You will save trees too.
Work out how much money you have to spend and stick to a budget. The holidays won’t be ruined if you buy the cheaper box of crackers. If possible, pre-arrange a cost limit on gifts for family and friends to avoid embarrassment and enable you to stay within budget.
Remember that most people become stressed at this time of year, not just us. By taking an active interest in what the people around you are doing, and maybe offering to help where necessary, you will have a focus and it will make you feel needed. Offer your parent / partner some help with cooking the
dinner, laying the table, washing up etc – it will keep you distracted and ease someone else’s strain at the same time.
Get to know all those strangers in the house. Chat to Uncle Brian and tell him you’ve had plenty of offers and he will be the first to know if you ever decide you want a partner. Get to know the older members of your family – ask them
what Christmas was like in ‘the olden days’. Play with young children and take an interest in their new toys.
If someone is annoying you, take a deep breath and walk away. People say and do a lot of things during the holidays, and under the influence of alcohol, that they wouldn’t normally. It is better to walk away and calm yourself than engage in an argument that could leave everyone miserable for days.
Take time for yourself where possible. Escape to your room for a while, listen to some music, surf the web, text a friend, watch some dvd’s, have a long bath. If you don’t have anywhere to escape to alone, then go for a walk, feed the ducks, pick some holly, take a treat to a lonely neighbour or offer to walk a dog. If a friend texts you, then try to find time to reply. You may be the only one who does.
If you are the host it is particularly important that you try to find some time for yourself. Don’t be afraid to ask for help and do delegate. Try not to worry about things that can wait – the hoovering doesn’t have to be done every time someone drops a twiglet and most people are more than capable of getting their own drinks and washing up a few dishes.
Don’t be afraid to say no. If you can’t face boxing day at your brother’s house, then make an excuse. Sometimes you have to put yourself first and you shouldn’t feel guilty about that. If you are alone, or not celebrating at all, consider helping out at a homeless shelter or some other voluntary organisation. There is a great need for all kinds of volunteers at this time.
Don’t use cigarettes or alcohol to make you feel better. They may seem to help at first, but smoking or drinking too much will make things worse and drag you down further (www.nhs.uk).
Of course you should drink if you wish, but balance the alcohol with lots of water or other nonalcoholic drinks.
Eat a reasonably healthy diet. Enjoy yourself of course, but by making a few healthy choices you can boost your energy levels without making yourself feel ill.
Keep a positive attitude. If you have already decided you hate Christmas and are going to be thoroughly miserable, the chances are you probably will be. Take a step back, and try to see the bigger picture – it is only a couple of days and before you know it the sales will have started and the travel agents be advertising summer holidays.
Consider not giving up anything for New Years, instead, consider pledging to make things a little nicer and easier for yourself everyday.
Things you may consider doing:
Make time for yourself every single day. Whether you have a ton of homework or a house full of demanding children, everyone needs some time to themselves. Even if you can only grab 15 minutes at the beginning of the day, and 15 minutes at the end – make that half an hour all about you.
Get some fresh air every day. If possible go for a walk; exercise increases endorphins and will improve your mood. If you can’t face it, then at least try to spend some time outside, even if it’s only in the garden. Artificial light and heating are no substitute for natural UV rays.
Think about the things you are putting into your body and consider how a change might improve your health and your mood. You don’t have to give anything up, but you can cut down on the not so good things and treat yourself with healthier alternatives.
Take up a new hobby: try a different sport, learn a foreign language, enroll on a cake decorating course, try some arts and crafts, rescue a homeless animal – the list is endless and there is something for every taste and pocket.
If you are a parent, get your children involved with household chores. Even young kids can fold their own clothes and run simple errands around the house.
Older children and teenagers can be given more responsibility and it will set them up well for the future. Get them used to helping out so that it becomes a natural part of their lives.
Treat yourself occasionally. Buy a new book or a scented candle and tell yourself you deserve it, because you really do.
Learn to say no without feeling guilty.
Aim to do something that challenges you now and again. Whether it’s a trip out on your own or cooking a meal from scratch – it will increase your confidence and make you feel good about yourself.
Notice the things around you and enjoy them. The world is a wonderful place and there is so much to see and enjoy if you take the time to really look.
Value your close friends and family. Think about why you love them and don’t be afraid to tell them. Just as importantly, really listen to what is said to you. If your child/parent/friend tells you they love you or gives you a hug, don’t just dismiss it. Really listen and allow yourself to feel loved. Even if you aren’t feeling great about yourself, remind yourself that you are very important in the lives of others, and valued as person.
View life’s obstacles as challenges that can be overcome, but don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it.
Jules
www.lifesigns.org.uk