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People of any age can turn to self-injury, it isn’t a ‘teen thing’.

Read this first before you hurtBefore discussing adult self-injury, we should first clarify what the word ‘adult’ might mean. Generally it might refer to age, and for the most part this article is aimed towards people who are older in years. But ‘adult’ can also relate to responsibility, and at LifeSIGNS we are only too aware that there are many younger people who live very adult lives, and who face responsibilities and challenges far beyond their years. So whatever your age, if you consider yourself to be living an adult life, then these words are for you.

We hope by now we’ve managed to get the message across that self-injury isn’t a ‘teen thing’, and that people of all ages might rely on self-injury in order to cope. While younger and older people share many of the same challenges in life and with their self-injury, there are also different difficulties to face by people at different stages in their life.

ManPerceptions

Because self-injury is often perceived as something ‘young people’ do, older adults can feel that it is something they should have ‘grown out’ of. These feelings can be even more difficult when an older person has turned to self-injury for the first time, rathe than discovering self-injury in their youth.

AdultThe media

Although increasingly willing to raise awareness about self-injury, the media still focus on young people far too much. Even television programmes that include a self-injury storyline either tend to be programmes aimed at young people, or focus on a young person self-injuring. This sends out an inaccurate message, and increases feelings of isolation in older people who self-injure.

ManLess help

If you are older, it might feel that there are fewer organisations out there that can help you. There seems to be a lot of mental health and support related organisations that cater to people under 25; but if you’re over 25 it can be more difficult to find somewhere that you feel you ‘belong’. Often, funding for projects and support services is literally ring-fenced for the government’s or sector’s definition of ‘young people’, meaning that organisations are more likely to get funding / budgets if they develop services for young people.

Resources, funding, and the attitudes of some healthcare professionals, may make it more difficult for older people to obtain the professional help they need.

Young adults, once they hit a certain age, may find they lose vital support and resources that they had been relying on.

CoupleFriends and loved ones

Friends / loved ones of adults may be less likely to be educated surrounding the subject of self-injury, making it more difficult for an adult to bring up the subject with loved ones.

Also, whereas young people are encouraged to talk about their self-injury with parents and loved ones, adults have to consider just who they can turn to.

FatherResponsibilities

Adults, in general, have more responsibilities than young people. Whereas young people are usually the ones who are cared for, quite often adults find that they are only ‘carers’ and are not ‘cared for’ themselves. This not only means that they may receive less support, but it also means they have a responsibility to maintain their caring roles, while attempting to also care for themselves.

When a young person finds themselves in a caring role, the burden can be even greater. They are at a time of their lives when they are supposed to be the one being cared for, and yet while their friends might be living the ‘normal’ life that young people need, they find they are forced to take on adult responsibilities. This is damaging not only because they tend to miss out on the ‘fun’ side of youth necessary for emotional balance and wellbeing, but also because they don’t yet have the life experience needed to cope with such responsibilities.

This is also true for young people who although may not have to care for others, neither are they cared for themselves. Some young people are left to fend for themselves, without the support, nurturing and guidance necessary for emotional balance, growth and wellbeing. It’s not surprising that life can feel overwhelming.

Shame and secrecy

Considering all these matters, shame and secrecy, while common in anyone who self-injures, may be even more burdensome for older people.

Adult ManTime

Adults who are juggling careers / families / finances may have less time for themselves than some younger people, making it more difficult for them to engage in hobbies and activities that can enhance health and happiness and provide much needed distraction.

Similarly, young people forced to cope with adult responsibilities will not have the time they need for themselves. They may have to care for others, or they may have to juggle school with a job and household responsibilities. We don’t mean the usual responsibilities that a young person might expect, such as household chores, helping care for younger sibblings occasionally, or working to earn money for themselves. We’re talking about people who run their households, or are the sole carer for another person, or who are forced to work in order to financially support others. These people are far less likely to have the time they need to care for themselves.

The feelings of loneliness, isolation and lack of time can be even more enhanced for young people in these situations, because they are only too aware that their lives are not the norm, and that their peers are leading a far more care-free life.

GrandfatherDrivers

Because of their increased life experience and more complex daily lives, adults (or young people living with adult responsibilities) may have a wider range of ‘drivers’ that could lead to self-injury.

How we can help

Whatever your age or responsibilities, you are not alone. People of all ages and in all kinds of circumstances turn to self-injury in order to cope. And everyone deserves help and support.

LifeSIGNS is a fully inclusive organisation and our members range from young teenagers to older people who have retired. Our resources are written for ‘people’ who are affected by self-injury, and we offer guidance and support for everyone.

Whether you need advice for moving away from self-injury, distraction techniques, hiding scars, obtaining professional help, talking to loved ones, getting through the urge to self-injure, or just somewhere to talk about the things that are going on your life, we are here for you.

We are constantly looking to improve and increase the resources we offer to people who self-injure. So whether you’re an adult in years, or a young person living an adult life, we’d appreciate hearing from you. If you’d like to share your own personal story with our members, or if you have suggestions for ways in which we could improve our resources to help more people like you, or if you’d like to challenge or discuss any of the points raised in this article, then please do contact us.

127 Comments

  • Clare

    I’m an adult and been self harming since early teens. I managed to stop for sometime in my 30s, my self esteem was good and I thought it was over but the “urge” actually never left me. Then after some large life events when I reached 40 it all started again but much worse, I have a wonderful therapist and very supportive mental health nurse yet I find it impossible to control the “urge” when I am faced with emotional challenges and recently have had suicidal thoughts to stop the cycle. I feel so alone in my thoughts most of the time. My husband can’t handle what I do to myself, I’ve had CBT, EMDR yet the feelings still surge through my head… I have reached desperation point.

    Reply
  • Hopeless

    I used to cut as a teenager. Now I’m an adult and don’t understand why the urges are back. I went through something relatively traumatic recently, but I thought after all the years, I had found other more healthy coping skills. It’s constantly on my mind, and the only thing that keeps me from doing it is thinking of if my husband saw it or a doctor or anyone. I’ve been wanting to for days, and I don’t know how much longer I can hold out. I just need that instant release, and the need seems to make the anxiety worse. It’s like refusing ibuprofen when you have a headache. At least that’s what it feels like. Trying to avoid starting something that I’m afraid I won’t be able to stop.

    Reply
  • Bel

    Thinking of you it sounds rough. I’ve hit myself too ..extreme stress brings it on.

    Reply
  • Cerbian

    I am in my forties and have been hitting myself for as long as I can remember. It comes from toxic negativity from my family (insults, name calling, emotional and mental abuse) and what I swear is Tourette’s syndrome. It seems my frustration is triggered by excessive clumsiness and inability to focus. When it happens too much and it suddenly seems like I’m having trouble with the simplest things, I snap on myself. I have heard every bit of advice under the sun, and none of it has helped because people have not lived my life or know what my insecurities or motivations are. I’m tired of people telling me how to feel and saying “everybody has that problem”. If it was the same problem, I wouldn’t be hitting myself.

    Reply
  • Liz

    I used to self harm when I was a teenager. I just wanted to feel something. Anything. I am now in my 40s and have been fighting the temptation for a couple weeks now. I actually lost that battle the other night. I did tell my husband (which was the hardest thing I’ve ever done) what I was doing so hopefully he can hold me accountable for my actions. So I won’t do it. I think I might be broken again. I’m not sure why I’m doing this. I’m not sure what to even do about it.

    Reply
    • Wedge

      Liz, it sounds like something is happening around you that’s made you feel out-of-control, small, and in distress. Perhaps something like when you were a teen. Can you and your husband improve what’s going on?

  • Julie

    Hello I’m Julie just moved house I’m feeling all alone haven’t self harmed yet but feel like it

    Reply
  • Kimberly

    Thank you for the tips. Ive made an appt to see my psychiatrist tomorrow and let her know about this newly developed self harming urge.

    Reply
  • Mello

    I think I was abused when I was young. I’ve started having memories of things that happened – or I’m sick and imagining them.

    I’ve hurt myself a few times over recent months. I have no idea why and I feel so much shame about it.

    Last night I was so very close to doing it again. Then I found this site. I managed to get through those feelings without doing anything for the first time.

    I wish I understood why I have started to feel the need do it though.

    Reply
    • Wedge

      Hello Mello

      You really need to talk to a counsellor who understands such things. Memory is a delicate thing, and I understand how you might be confused. Listen, you’re in distress and you need and deserve help.

      I’m glad our website could help you on this ocassion, it’s great that you looked after yourself like that.

  • Bron

    Hi Been on and off cutting myself. I’m in my forties. Lately it’s become more frequent.
    Saw my GP and showed him. And he is looking into more special help. How can you stop the intense urges.

    Reply
    • Wedge

      Hello Bronte, I’m glad you’re seeking real-life help. Has something happened to make you turn to self-injury more often? Could you talk to someone about what’s going on in your life.

      For help with the urges, we have to learn alternative ways to cope with our feelings. We offer a lot of ideas in our ‘Help‘ section, but please also look at ‘Surfing the urge‘ and ‘the 15 min rule‘.

  • Kimberly

    I’m in my forties, started cutting a couple weeks ago out of the blue to help cope with the severe pain, anxiety, and depression that is currently my existence. I’m trying hard to understand this “need” I feel to do this to myself.

    Reply
    • Wedge

      Hello Kimberly, a sa way of coping, some people feel it releases and relieves them of overwhelming emotions. But it’s not a solution, and self-injury can become a serious concern for you, on top of everything else that’s ggoing on for you.

      Please read ‘who self-injures‘ and ‘pre-cursors to self-injury‘ and ‘surfing the urge‘ to help yuou consider your behaviour.

      I strongly suggest you talk to someone about the anxiety and depression; you can get help, and then maybe you could get help and support for self-injury too.

  • Lo

    I’m and adult and have started self harming recently. It’s never when I’m upset or angry, it’s afterwards when I’ve calmed down, or sometimes out of the blue. I don’t do it for a release… it’s the wounds afterwards that give me that release I think, looking at them and being able to feel them… Having those secret cuts to look at make me feel in control and more present rather than detached. I’m so glad this site exists, I feel less alone.

    Reply
  • Abadday

    Hi, I have been self harming for years. I sometimes feel like I do it to feel sorry for myself. Everyone in life deals with stress and we all go through things, so why is it that I feel the need to cut. Why when I am going through a hard time the thought of harming myself consumes me. My boyfriend and I have been going through a hard time and today he “caught me in the act.” I feel so embarrassed. when I told him everything he called me selfish. When he said that it made my heart hurt so bad which made me want to cut again. I don’t know what to do:(

    Reply
    • Wedge

      Hello Abadday

      What’s wrong with feeling sorry for yourself? If a friend was struggling in life, wouldn’t you worry about them? It’s the same for yourself. When your worried about yourself, it’s a sign that something needs to change.

      Self-harm holds us back – it helps us cope with overhwelming feelings for a few minutes, but it doesn’t fix anything.

      It’s time you took action to address the underlying unhappiness you’re feeling. You need help, especially at this time in your life.

      Your boyfriend may not understand that self-injury is a coping mechanism – it’s hard for some people to understand, isn’t it? What you need is other options – other ways of coping. Please browse our ‘Help’ section and choose to adopt several new ways of coping.

      Let your boyfirend see our website so he can understand that you’re not alone in this.

      But beyond developing new ways of coping, you need to address the underlying issues.

  • V

    Did It again today. I’m scared because I enjoyed it and somehow made it seem mundane so it suddenly felt normal. PTSD sucks. I’m in my forties and the inside of my head is not a good place.

    Reply
  • Shaz

    I’ve self harmed since primary school, I’m 48 now still do it. I’ve lived for my kids- they’re grown up now, so y shud I live now?

    Reply
    • Wedge

      Shaz, what makes you different from your kids? Why are you not allowed to live for yourself, but they are? What makes you different and worse than the other 7 billion people on the planet?

      What I’m saying, is that you have the same rights and opportunities as everyone else. Just as you support and love your children, you deserve and need support and love too.

      Life should never be about one thing; there is more to life than being a parent. Sorry, but your kids are independent individauls – that’s what you helped them to become! You’ve always needed to live for yourself, you just forgot that while you were so involved with motherhood. Although you’re late, it’s never too late to develop new interestes, friends, and relationships. Just as you want and expect your kids to tase life and enjoy what the world offers, you too have to do that.

      The purpose of life is to create your own purpose. And if that seems too hard, then do something to help others.

      Right now, things feel tough and you absolutely need and deserve help and support. In time, you can choose different things to do that help you manage your emotions, and they you can move away from the self-harm. Talk to someone this week. Maybe it will have to be your gP, but your GP can put you in touch with a counsellor to talk about your sadness, and maybe your self-harm too.

  • Joeys

    Thank you x

    Reply
  • Joeys

    I haven’t self harmed for 19 years, I am now in my 30s. I needed stitches but never had any, I never show my arms,I have always been ashamed. I now have two young children and am desperately wanting to cut myself. I hurt myself because my children having such a weak mum. I know if I cut I will hate myself more and want to cut more why does cutting help me cope with just life stresses why do things hurt so much?

    Reply
    • Wedge

      You’re not ‘weak’. None of this has anything to do with ‘strength’. There absolutely *can* be too much going on to cope with, and sometimes (often) we need to take time for self-care. Further, and this is crucial, we need to learn new ways of coping. We can’t just rely on the three things we like to do when under stress – we have to develop a multitude of coping tactics in order to cope with the multitude of stressors in life. As life changes, so do we, and so must our ways of coping. Leaning a new way of coping takes time. You can use distraction techniques to start you off, but you then need to develop more sophisticated ways of releasing stress and relieving distress. As you know and say, self-injury doesn’t help in the long-term. It’s a short-term pratice that you can change to something else. You need and deserve help in changing bits of your life. For now, please explore our site for ideas.

  • Wedge

    Charybdis, some drugs should only be taken for a short time; after the short time, your body becomes reliant on the drug – your doctor is probably worried about what the drug has done to you after ten years, even if it was helpful in the first year. Talk to your doctor about weaning yourself off this drug over a period of years (not months, it may take years). And then talk to your doctor about getting counselling or exta support to help with the stress. You need and deserve more support.

    Reply
  • Charybdis

    Charybdis
    My doctor says the prescribed drugs I’m on are bad. After 10 years on them, I can’t take the stress. I started cutting. I guess it’s better than drinking.

    Reply
  • SAD

    Dear Wedge, thank you so very much for your reply to my message. I have sat here and read it over and over again. I do need to change I know. And things need to change right now.
    I keep hoping things will just get better but I feel like I’m going backwards rather than forwards, which is probably being caused by all of the bad childhood memories being brought back up to the surface. Not that they ever went away mind you, it’s just that the psychology sessions have brought them back even stronger. My mind feels like such a mess and I seem to be losing my memory of recent events..which is scaring me quite a bit.
    I know I need to change I’m just at a loss on how to do that. I will definitely take your suggestion of talking to my psychologist about stronger coping mechanisms. I also need to tell her about the amount of alcohol that I’m drinking (which I haven’t done because I feel so ashamed that I’ll be considered an alcoholic). I don’t know how to change how I feel about food. I find it very difficult to eat. I have to try & force myself. Something I’ve never had to do before in my whole life. It’s a very strange feeling to have. Not eating but not ever hungry. That’s just not the normal me.
    Anyway, thank you again for your reply and for pointing out that I can’t just leave things as they are, & that I need to do something to change them now and not in a few weeks time. Thank you for making me feel that there has to be an urgency to all of this. I will keep your message as a reminder to try harder and to not just think things will be okay in the end if I don’t make the changes I need to make right now.
    Thank you

    Reply
  • SAD

    I have never self harmed before in my life but a few months ago I started cutting myself & now I can’t stop. I was sexually abused for pretty much my whole childhood and went through severe depression after the birth of my child and eventually came out of it. I’ve struggled on & off with it though for most of my life.

    I’m now 49 and due to a lot of things happening in my life, including ill health (I had to quit my job because of it), over the past few years. I have gone downhill quite drastically over the past 12 months. I’ve been diagnosed with depression & severe anxiety. Im on medications which seem to have made a bit of a difference. I’m now seeing a psychologist and I’ve told her about the cutting. She gave me suggestions on what else I could do instead (rubber bands on the wrist, etc) but I just don’t get the same relief so I keep going back to it. I’m also drinking heavily. And I’m sure that is to blame for a lot of the times when I cut. Not having as much self control to try and stop myself. But the drinking numbs me for a while so I can feel relaxed & happy in the evenings and, even though I know it’s bad for my health, I really don’t want to give it up. I’ve also really gone off food. I just don’t feel hungry. If I manage a meal a day then I’m doing well.

    I just can’t believe this is all happening to me at my age! I feel so ashamed. I rarely leave the house. I just don’t want to be around people. I feel so ridiculous and guilty. I just wish I knew how to stop all of this and feel somewhat normal again.

    It makes me sad to see just how many of you that are out there living with the same or similar problems.

    Just wish I could flick a switch and make everything alright.

    Reply
    • Wedge

      I’m glad you’re getting pro support. It sounds like you know how dangerous it is to drink and miss food – such behaviour would make anyone ill, and you yourself absolutely need your strength and thinking faculties. Please talk to your psyche about real coping mechanisms (not simple distraction methods like rubber bands). You’re currently using self-injury, alcohol, social avoidance, and food restriction to cope with your deep emotional wounds – it’s imperative that you develop a range of new coping mechanisms so that you can leave the destructive behaviours behind. You deserve, and are in need, of direct support. Do not let yourself spiral down. This is a very important time in your life; do not give another inch, you must take postive steps or else you may find yourself losing everything you have. Do not imagine that you’ll be “OK” for a few more weeks, this is urgent and important.

  • V

    I have PTSD,have had it for twenty three years. I had a break down last year and ended up cutting myself. It was such a release, I felt it helped at the time even though it really stigmatised me afterwards. I’m 44, have a young family. My wife was not supportive, I felt like a burden. I still do.

    We were on holiday last week. On the last day, driving home she started telling me off about a job application. I’m in work but am looking for a new job. She went on and on and on for around three hours whilst I drove back. When we got home, after I sorted the kids out and unpacked the car, I went into the kitchen, made a cup of tea and cut myself.

    Just enough to give me something to distract me but they have scarred. This is happening more and more. But reading some of the comments here really helps.

    I cut myself a lot last year. And when I was a teenager. I guess I’m ‘surfing the urge’ as I type this at four am.

    Reply
  • El

    It is one of those evenings. You wouldn’t think it to look at me. I’m a talented professional teacher in a well paid position that I adore. I’ve got a clean house, nice family and here is sit with my chicken roast in the oven with handmade stuffing and I’m thinking about how I might hurt myself. I’m 34 years old and I’m suffering.

    Reply
  • Melissa

    I initially started to self harm in my late teens. I was sexually abused. Like several on here, I suffered through an abusive marriage as well. I havent self harmed in several years… until a week ago. Why come here now? Today my boyfriend saw the cuts on my legs. He blamed himself. I dont know how to explain to him that this is about me and my past, not him.

    Reply
  • V

    I’m almost 30 and started self harming as a teenager. Recently though the urge has been returning, it’s like an itch just begging to be scratched and I know the relief though temporary will be instant which lately has just become too difficult to resist. I have one friend who knows I’m far too embarrassed to admit to anyone else that I still occasionally return to this habit to cope when life just feels too much. Reading the stories of others here has been comforting to realise I’m not the only person my age who continues to have these struggles.

    Reply
  • Wedge

    Jess, it sounds like you’re under a lot of stress, and everyone here understands how that might be.

    Can I ask you to talk to someone about what’s going on at work? Are you drinking alone? Is that something that might concern you?

    Think about the friends you can talk to about life (you don’t have to talk about self harm). Consider getting counselling for a few weeks. Stress damages the mind and body and is a serious health risk. Your self-harm indicates that something is not going well for you since christmas.

    Please get the help and support you need and deserve now, rather than waiting years like many of us did.

    Reply
  • Jess

    I’m not sure if this is the right place to comment, but as a 41 year old I’d never self harmed until just before Christmas. I hurt myself, mostly, when I have had a drink and am thinking about work. I know better. I can’t tell anyone.

    Reply
  • W

    My therapist suggested this site today … I am 61… I never thought this would be an issue in my life … as an abused child and adult living with an abusive spouse, I guess I just wanted to stop the emotional pain and actually “see” a reason for pain … there is so much much more to it … but having just seen a few pages here, I had to thank you for this site and I feel as if I will find help here

    Reply
  • Wedge

    Denise

    Is your psychiatrist also a psychologist? Are you talking to him for 50 minutes a week? If you’re in counselling with him, can I just say that it’s common for things to seem worse while you address your problems. When you shine a light on the dark parts of yourself it’s bound to be hard. But as you make progress, things can become better, so please stick with the therapy for as long as it’s useful.

    Also, you don’t have to talk about self-harm itself – after all, it’s the underlying issues that drive you to self-harm that need addressing. Once you feel more in control you can let go of self-harm and rely on other ways of coping.

    Reply
  • Kori

    I’m just about 30 I haven’t self harmed in 6 years(started when I was a teen). I was just laying in bed crying and the urge hit me. I thought I was alone and should’ve “grown out of it”until I read these. I’m glad to know I’m not the only adult with these feelings. It really does make me feel better when I do it. Even if it is a short amount of time. I’m not going to do it forever. Just this last time.

    Reply
  • Denise

    As a teenager I self-harmed very briefly. Now I am 44 and have started to self harm again. Following bad reactions to medication for anxiety and depression … and finding CBT and meditation just not helping enough. It give me such relief. I have a psychiatrist … but going only seems to make things worse sometimes. He does not know … and I doubt I will ever tell him. I just want control again. And self-harm gives me that.

    Reply
  • Cissy B

    Reading these, I feel less isolated knowing I am not the only one. I’m 53, and despite therapy over the years, I have now been written off by my GP and Mental Health Services. I’m on the official mental health scrap heap. As you can imagine, this fuels my feelings of self loathing.

    Reply
  • mons

    It is my only way out. I do try and talk to my doctor but I am not good at expressing myself. I’m nearly 50 and a waste of space – I’m disabled – difficulty walking.

    Reply
  • Meg

    I have been self harming since 2005 with a short break and now I have been for the past 6 months. I know I can turn to the “coping strategies” but when I do it it’s part of my nighttime routine. I don’t have to have an urge I just do it and it’s very habit-forming which is quite scary. I know eventually I will stop but not anytime soon. A big part of the process for me was writing a letter to my self harming as a friend. I would recommend this to anyone who is willing to try.

    Reply
    • Wedge

      Good idea, Meg. Writing stuff down can be very relieving. Also, if it’s a night time ritual for you, you could consider changing your ritual just a little each night, so that over time it becomes something else. Try our ‘everything but‘ page for an example.

  • Wedge

    Caroline, I hope you choose to talk to someone soon. There are groups in cities and towns for women who have suffered like you, and so you’d all have an understanding of each other.

    Reply
  • caroline

    I self harmed in 2001. I was abused as a kid. I did go to the police, but… Now I’m middle-aged and I’m just going through PTSD again and the urge to self harm is back. i never told anyone else about the abuse for the fear of them hurting me in someway.

    Reply
  • Wedge

    We hope our ‘Helping you‘ section can give you some ideas.

    It’s something about managing the self-injurious behaviour (reducing reliance) while creating alternative coping strategies.

    Further, it’s about understanding the underlying drivers behind your self-injury. From that understanding, you have to create change – reduce the stress, change parts of your life.

    If you’d like to talk more, please join our Support Forum.

    Reply
  • Sky Anne

    I am a mum to 4 young kids, in my thirties. I had a breakdown about 18 months ago and it was then I started self harming. Something I had never done before. Now it is a way I regularly cope and I can’t seem to stop. My kids ask what the marks are and I just say it was the dog. Other people think it’s teenage behaviour and that I’m seeking attention. I’m not, in fact I have even bought a large watch to cover it. How do I stop coping in this way?

    Reply
  • Ian

    Hi, I recently started to cut myself. I lost one job because of the scars and had the police come into my house to check up on me. I have been seeing a therapist for eight months or so, all good, start tomorrow with another job, but have to wear long trousers and sleeves to cover things up. I’m in my late 40s and fairly successful in my career, but have depression, anxiety, hepatitis etc. All through alcohol. I am getting through all of this, as I live on the other side of the world to my family, here with no partner or friends, but, I had one bad week. Not two, three etc. So all of you reading this, it will take time, embarrassment etc. You have to deal with it in your own way. As they say “one day at a time”. Best of luck for all of you with this problem, Ian.

    Reply
  • Gilli

    You certainly aren’t alone. I am 41 and over the past 23 years have lived with the urge for a quick release. But these pages help. Someone is out there who cares. They may not be face to face but it’s so good to not feel judged here.
    I’m here tonight because things are just so tough at the moment… But im surfing the urge

    Reply
  • jo

    hi im 42yrs old and have been selfinjurying since early teens, i tend to hurt myself when having a drink, im messed up with my sexuality, im gay but cant come out. i get so low and need to hurt myself to feel relief if thats what you can call it. i can type down how i feel and my problems but cant seem to face someone and express myself, typing this down and talking on the web i can do. thanx for listening. xxxxxx

    Reply
  • Wedge

    Hello Leah, you asked about the need, the wanting. Some of us call this the ‘urge’. It’s a feeling that builds up, so may be able to manage the build-up by ‘surfing the urge‘.

    But in the long-term, you will want to gain support from others, learn the most appropriate self-help techniques, and face the underlying cause of your self-injury.

    Your emotional needs do not make you the worst mother – you are not alone as an adult with self-injury.

    Reply
  • Leah

    How can I stop the wanting, the feeling of need. I don’t want to but the feeling of need is consuming me. I am a mother I shouldn’t be like this worst mother.

    Reply

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